Learning to grow

There are days that you dread, and on those days you dread, you usually get to anticipate their coming.

Monday I got into class, and it was my worst nightmare unfolding before my eyes. We weren't prepared. We didn't know what was about to happen. For some it might not have been a big deal, but for me, it was pretty much my worst nightmare multiplied by a 100.

Have you ever done something that you just dread? The mere thought of it just makes you squirm uncomfortably?

We were told on Monday that the whole day we would be practicing physicals on each other.

This might not seem bad for some, but after they disclosed what this would encompass, I could feel myself squirming, feeling sick, and hyperventilating just to even think about it.

We were told we would get in a hospital gown, the ones that sort of fasten up, and have to be nearly naked at moments in front of our peers. Awkward. Very, very awkward.

I could feel a very prominent thought inside my head forming,  "I did not sign up for this!" 

It's not so bad if you actually have a doctor you see, but to have to spend a whole day in front of these people that I know on a personal level, people that I will see every day for the next two years except for weekends and holidays, and then add this uncomfortable scene into the picture.... Well it just wasn't what I really wanted to do. I'm conservative for goodness sakes!

This concept was a stretch. 

And then I thought about it, and then some more again, and then a little bit more. I thought hard.

I wonder how the patient feels to be in those places, exposed, vulnerable, and uncomfortable. 

Maybe this fear is a good thing as we learn to stretch ourselves. 

Maybe this fear is showing us how it feels to be human and in other people's shoes. 

This fear is showing us how to feel empathy for someone, because we have once been in their same spots enduring the feeling of being on the hospital bed and vulnerable. 

This raw fear was recreating a scene we might have to live in only a matter of months, but played out on the other side of the situation.

I guess things that make us think, make us think hard, will help us grow and stretch in a way that breeds compassion.  

You have to find understanding in all trials, no matter what they mean, big or small. 

Monday the lesson I learned is what feels to be truly empathetic towards another human being as a nurse. I will carry that in my heart as long as I live.

Empathy- the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.