Learning to grow

There are days that you dread, and on those days you dread, you usually get to anticipate their coming.

Monday I got into class, and it was my worst nightmare unfolding before my eyes. We weren't prepared. We didn't know what was about to happen. For some it might not have been a big deal, but for me, it was pretty much my worst nightmare multiplied by a 100.

Have you ever done something that you just dread? The mere thought of it just makes you squirm uncomfortably?

We were told on Monday that the whole day we would be practicing physicals on each other.

This might not seem bad for some, but after they disclosed what this would encompass, I could feel myself squirming, feeling sick, and hyperventilating just to even think about it.

We were told we would get in a hospital gown, the ones that sort of fasten up, and have to be nearly naked at moments in front of our peers. Awkward. Very, very awkward.

I could feel a very prominent thought inside my head forming,  "I did not sign up for this!" 

It's not so bad if you actually have a doctor you see, but to have to spend a whole day in front of these people that I know on a personal level, people that I will see every day for the next two years except for weekends and holidays, and then add this uncomfortable scene into the picture.... Well it just wasn't what I really wanted to do. I'm conservative for goodness sakes!

This concept was a stretch. 

And then I thought about it, and then some more again, and then a little bit more. I thought hard.

I wonder how the patient feels to be in those places, exposed, vulnerable, and uncomfortable. 

Maybe this fear is a good thing as we learn to stretch ourselves. 

Maybe this fear is showing us how it feels to be human and in other people's shoes. 

This fear is showing us how to feel empathy for someone, because we have once been in their same spots enduring the feeling of being on the hospital bed and vulnerable. 

This raw fear was recreating a scene we might have to live in only a matter of months, but played out on the other side of the situation.

I guess things that make us think, make us think hard, will help us grow and stretch in a way that breeds compassion.  

You have to find understanding in all trials, no matter what they mean, big or small. 

Monday the lesson I learned is what feels to be truly empathetic towards another human being as a nurse. I will carry that in my heart as long as I live.

Empathy- the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another. 

It won't be forever.

My second week of nursing school is underway, and I don't think I will ever be able to fit everything inside my brain that I have to fit.

There are things for days to pack inside there.

I have found myself doing more homework in these last two weeks than I feel like I have ever done in my whole college career before now. I know you might think I am over exaggerating, but I am not.
There are places to check, hidden assignments, nearly missed posts, and I guess I feel like my pre-nursing college days were easy as peach pie compared to this madness.

It's good, and I am not complaining. I enjoy the class time, and I feel like I can't get enough of it. I just feel like we were nurtured more in my prior college experience.

In my pre-nursing school days, If you had a test, you would know that it's over chapter such and such, but in nursing school they give you a list of questions to look up, a list of maybe four books the information for the whole sheet of questions might be in, and that's it! So you have two books that are 2000 pages each, and you maybe even one of those four books are split up into two books, with an index that lasts for days...

I was not prepared for this, but I feel like I am grabbing hold of these concepts at least.
Nursing school is not for the faint of heart.
You work hard.
Your laundry goes unfolded.
You might be found crying  in bedrooms and cars from the sheer overwhelming feelings of the list of things you have to do.
You worry a little about how you're going to have a job.
You write just to keep your sanity.
You pray on the way to school and on the way home from school just to make it.
And you hope that at the end of the two years, you're there carrying a diploma that says you made it to the finish line.

Love,

Amber

I've got a story to tell you!

Today started out like any other ordinary day.

I woke up, got ready for the day, and got into the routine of things.

I wondered what to write about, and thought, OH! I will share about an amazing lush body product that I absolutely love because gosh darn, the world should know about this.  So I snapped a few photos of it and went on about my business.

As the day went on, I knew anxiety was creeping in about school. I see the calendar and I nervously say to myself,

Well, schools starting. Yep. And I have all these books to buy, and absolutely no money left to buy them. Especially the two I need this week. Where is this money coming from….God?

YES, YES, I know. I should just realize already that I am meant to be a nurse because the world keeps putting these HUGE obstacles in my way (like money), and God is like…Money? No problem. Done and Done.

There’s more to this story. We’re just getting started.

I visited with my dad about how I was feeling fearful about the impending year.  I wasn’t sure how I was going to cover the some odd $1500 dollars of schoolbooks I had to purchase in just a matter of two weeks. My dad is the nicest guy in the world, who would give anything to anyone so of course he wanted to help. Times are tough for everyone in my family, so we prayed. I left feeling encouraged, but I was still a little fearful.

Here’s the story I wanted to tell you.

You see, earlier today. I cried, and then I cried even more because while I was having a complete melt down in front of my sister about how I needed God to work a miracle to pay for just two of the school books I absolutely need this week to study for an 18 chapter test I have the first week of school, my nephew says,

“Aunt Amber, I have 39 dollars.”

If I wasn’t a mess before, I was then! My heart melted, and I told him I couldn’t take his money of course.

We prayed.

Sometimes it’s so difficult to trust God. It’s hard to trust someone you can’t see on a daily basis, you can’t hug, or have audible back and forward conversations with. Knowing God is walking with me is probably admittedly one of the harder things I face in my faith.

It’s times like this that I pray God will show me how to have more faith, how to have more trust, and how to feel peace while I’m waiting for this faith to kick into high gear.

Then God answers prayers.

He sends someone to do His work.

Today someone, other than my family, and I have no idea who, left an unmarked envelope with the exact amount of money I needed for the two books I have to have this week.

This is a God that lives outside the box religions put Him in. This is a God you can come to for every worry, every pain, and every trial. This is a God who has love for the people He created. This is the God I serve. He still works miracles today, incase you didn’t know.

And this is where my faith has grown. I’ve come to realize the hard times just grow my faith immeasurably. I learn that I can approach God like I would my own dad, and He cares.

God is never late. He is always on time.

He knows.

I am excited to know how He is going to work out the rest of the details for my school finances. I still have a long ways to go with how much I need in a short time, but I know God is faithful, and this gives me more peace and comfort than anything else can.

How lame that lush body product seems now in comparison to the kind of day I've had..

Stay tuned!

Love,

Amber