Love-letters

Dear God,

I have shortcomings. I am vulnerable. I am weak.
I know you've allowed me to start this journey for a reason. It's a roller coaster ride.
I know you have a plan to get me through this, somehow, someway, that I cannot see at this current moment of desperation.

I don't know if I am making this harder than it has to be, or if I am being melodramatic. I am a girl after all. I have emotions that know no end. They fool me into believing things that aren't the truth.
And all I can hope is that I recover from train wrecks, and focus on what is true, what is good, and what is real.

Right now I know I feel overwhelmed like I'm getting paid to feel overwhelmed.

I am thankful that I am not alone in this.
When people warn you about things being tough, you don't realize it until you are walking in their shoes.

In a sense I want to remember every single difficult, intense, moment of this. I want to know I lived it with every fiber and made it through. I don't want to wish it away like I am wishing moments of my life away.

I just know that I won't make it through alone.

Love,

Amber

It won't be forever.

My second week of nursing school is underway, and I don't think I will ever be able to fit everything inside my brain that I have to fit.

There are things for days to pack inside there.

I have found myself doing more homework in these last two weeks than I feel like I have ever done in my whole college career before now. I know you might think I am over exaggerating, but I am not.
There are places to check, hidden assignments, nearly missed posts, and I guess I feel like my pre-nursing college days were easy as peach pie compared to this madness.

It's good, and I am not complaining. I enjoy the class time, and I feel like I can't get enough of it. I just feel like we were nurtured more in my prior college experience.

In my pre-nursing school days, If you had a test, you would know that it's over chapter such and such, but in nursing school they give you a list of questions to look up, a list of maybe four books the information for the whole sheet of questions might be in, and that's it! So you have two books that are 2000 pages each, and you maybe even one of those four books are split up into two books, with an index that lasts for days...

I was not prepared for this, but I feel like I am grabbing hold of these concepts at least.
Nursing school is not for the faint of heart.
You work hard.
Your laundry goes unfolded.
You might be found crying  in bedrooms and cars from the sheer overwhelming feelings of the list of things you have to do.
You worry a little about how you're going to have a job.
You write just to keep your sanity.
You pray on the way to school and on the way home from school just to make it.
And you hope that at the end of the two years, you're there carrying a diploma that says you made it to the finish line.

Love,

Amber