Love-letters

Dear God,

I have shortcomings. I am vulnerable. I am weak.
I know you've allowed me to start this journey for a reason. It's a roller coaster ride.
I know you have a plan to get me through this, somehow, someway, that I cannot see at this current moment of desperation.

I don't know if I am making this harder than it has to be, or if I am being melodramatic. I am a girl after all. I have emotions that know no end. They fool me into believing things that aren't the truth.
And all I can hope is that I recover from train wrecks, and focus on what is true, what is good, and what is real.

Right now I know I feel overwhelmed like I'm getting paid to feel overwhelmed.

I am thankful that I am not alone in this.
When people warn you about things being tough, you don't realize it until you are walking in their shoes.

In a sense I want to remember every single difficult, intense, moment of this. I want to know I lived it with every fiber and made it through. I don't want to wish it away like I am wishing moments of my life away.

I just know that I won't make it through alone.

Love,

Amber

Done, done, and done!

It's nearly midnight, and I am rushing to post something before my cell phone battery shuts off for good.

I'm realizing that living in this city has killed my cell phone battery, but I refuse to switch to other companies that charge way too much for way less than I have now just to get better signal.

I finally have everything turned in for school. I faxed my packet today. It was such a liberating feeling, but fear has started to set inside my heart a bit. 

Maybe fear isn't the right word for it. Maybe nervousness is a better description. 

I am worried that I don't have what it takes to get through these next two years. I have heard from so many people about how tough it is, and how they've designed it so it might be impossible to work during the process. 

I am afraid of failing. 

I never saw myself in these places even five years ago. 

I never knew I wanted something so much. Maybe all these past few months of struggling to get things turned in, living on a wish and a prayer, was Gods way of showing me that this is what I really wanted, so that I wouldn't take it for granted. I would remember how much I prayed and cried when I was afraid that I would be a day late and a dollar short, and I would use that feeling to power me through because I knew just how much faith it took to get to this place.

Even though it might be the hardest thing I have every done in my life, it will be worth it. 

My blog might be my only friend for the next two years. 

They gave us a letter to give to our family and friends from the nursing department that essentially says  we will be absent from their lives until this program is completed. 

I hope that I can write about every single, crazy second of the journey.

My future  posts might be non-complete sentences scrawled on restaurant napkins, but I am hopeful to at least write something.